It’s clear that single parents are on the rise … and that our culture is finally seeing them sexy!

But why is dating a single parent sexy?

It’s likely because there’s a higher chance that single parents have their lives together, and know how to nurture and care for another, are strong and independent, are dependable, know what they want as well as how to give and receive love.

How’s that for a few pros?

Don’t get me wrong, this trend is not about promoting the dismantling of the two-parent household; it’s that our collective culture is finally catching up with our changing reality.

According to the CDC, 41 percent of moms give birth while unmarried, with an increase of women over 35 who are becoming single moms by choice. And 24 percent of children are living with an unmarried mother.

In terms of popular culture, this season’s Bachelor In Paradise featured several single parents who were some of the most desired contestants on the show. Case in point when single dad Justin chose single mom Cassandra over just single Jaclyn — which led her to comment that she didn’t realize that being a single mom would give you a leg up on this show!

And then there is Pope Francis who acknowledges that, because divorce affects 25 percent of Catholics (many of whom have children). Many Catholics are getting annulment reforms to maintain their faith, even if they’re separated from their spouse.

Amongst all these stats, you have to remember that you are MORE than your parental status. Yes, you’re a mom. But you are also an interesting, dynamic, layered, fun, playful, successful and sexy woman!

So how do you act dating as a single mom vs. just being single? That’s what I help my clients with every day. To start, here are 10 single mom dating tips:

1. Have a confident, self-assured attitude.

It’s all about how you present yourself. If you go into a situation thinking, “Here I am … do you like me? Am I good enough? What do you think?” they will feel and be turned off by that insecurity.

If you go into a situation thinking, “Here I am … I know this is going to be waste of my time, you’re going to disappoint, reject, or not be good enough for me.” You’ll be right.

Instead, think, “Here I am … if you don’t like me, that’s OK. I like me. I am here to have an open mind and a cautiously open heart.”

“Here I am” — that’s your new mantra. The way you present yourself is how you’re perceived.

2. Don’t hide the fact that you’re a mom.

Revealing that you’re a mom is first date conversation material. If he can’t handle it, isn’t accepting, judges, or isn’t interested … he’s not for you. Your child isn’t a burden or something to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

That being said, you also don’t have to have a serious and weighty conversation about it. It’s all about presentation. If you act like your child is a burden and that your situation is difficult, he will feel that your situation is a difficult burden. And that’s not sexy.

Your child is a big part of your life. Period. No big deal. Present the fact in a power feminine way and with pride.

3. Make the time to get out there.

You’re busy. Your schedule is tight. You never have enough time. But if dating is important to you, you’ll make the time. Don’t feel bad about leaving your child with a trusted caregiver — be it a family member, friend, nanny, or babysitter. Just make sure to be smart and take the proper precautions. (Ex: I shot a video on how to calm my infant if he is crying and also wrote down “10 ways to calm crying Finley.”)

Then let your date know that, while you do have a full life, you also have time for a social life. It’s a priority to you. Don’t make him feel like you have no time or energy for him. Even though you’re tired, don’t constantly complain about how tired you are, making him feel bad for being out with you. Don’t go on and on about how much you miss your child and how weird it is to be away from her, making him feel bad for being out with you.

Live fully in the moment with your date. Stressing about what you’re not doing will only make what you’re doing less successful.

4. Be an active, present participant in the relationship.

Remember that your relationship is also important. Make it a priority. Call, text, and arrive when you say you’ll be there. If you know your child has complete breakdowns when you leave, plan to leave early so that you aren’t incessantly late with the excuse of “I needed to calm my child.”

5. Be honest with yourself.

What are you searching for in a relationship? What type of guy you’re looking for who will be a fit for both you and your child? Answer these and then be upfront with him about them.

6. Let him know what your lifestyle looks like.

Let him in on your schedules, hours, your ex-relationship, classes, work, appointments, nanny and everything else in between.

That’s not to say that you need to present your calendar and expect him to memorize it. But make him aware of your daily basics, and where your routines are ironclad and where your day is flexible. If you let things slide or hide your obligations for his sake, you will likely end up hating yourself and/or resenting him.

7. Put some effort into yourself!

Yes, you’re a mom. Yes, it’s hard to pull yourself together like you used to, but finding time to work out, go shopping, and primping is important!

More than looking good to everyone else, it’s about feeling good. You need and deserve to feel sexy, beautiful, and confident again! So make the time to do something for you. Every day.

8. Have a life outside of your kids.

Even if it’s just taking a class once a week, going out to the gym, having a childless standing date with a girlfriend, or starting a mom’s (or just women’s) adventure group in your area — pulling together a group of women to explore interesting activities in your area. You cannot be solely about your child. Just as some women lose their identity within relationships with men, it’s also common for moms to lose their identity with their children.

You were a fully-formed and interesting woman before you became a mom. Rediscover that woman! If nothing else, it will give you more to talk about on your dates, which will make you more attractive and make men more interest in you … because you are interesting!

9. Talk about YOUR life.

Don’t just talk about your child. Even if he’s a single dad.

Yes, you’re a mom, and that side of you is very important and it permeates all other sides of you, but you aren’t only a mom.

10. Allow him to be the man.

Let your guard down a little bit. It’s OK to not always be fortified. Give yourself permission to give up a little control. It will feel SO good.


Why Men Are More Attracted To Single Moms” by Laurel House, was originally published on Your Tango. To view the original article, click here.

 

Click here to see Rose’s tips for healthy and happy relationships

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14 Comments

  • Kent
    Posted November 24, 2015 4:11 pm 1Likes

    I agree with this article, I married a single mom 🙂

    • Nhat
      Posted October 17, 2017 9:24 am 1Likes

      My boyfriend left me because I am the single mom.

  • Claire
    Posted November 24, 2015 4:32 pm 1Likes

    I’m so glad someone wrote an article about this…I met the love of my life as a single mom. My divorce tore me apart for many years, but then I met the most supportive, loving man who changed my life.

    • Rajat
      Posted April 7, 2018 8:58 am 0Likes

      you are beautiful!!

  • Ronald Gagnon
    Posted January 18, 2016 9:43 am 0Likes

    This so true….many men have a lot of love to share and done properly..this is one of the best ways

  • Lou
    Posted June 26, 2017 9:09 pm 0Likes

    So glad to read this article going through a tough separation at the moment but glad to know that when I’m ready there is a chance to find happiness with someone else xx

  • Skippy
    Posted February 27, 2018 1:23 am 0Likes

    Thank you

  • Gwen
    Posted March 30, 2018 3:37 pm 1Likes

    This is ridiculous nonsense. A man who is ok with a single mom is a beta, willing to accept a financial drain and being second to a child.

  • Gwen
    Posted March 30, 2018 10:38 pm 0Likes

    Men are not attracted to Single Moms. Unless they are widowed and have an assload of cash. Otherwise a Single Mother and her off-spring is a financial drain. And their bodies are not the same after child birth, from sex with another man…

    • Nc
      Posted May 14, 2018 5:06 pm 0Likes

      But they dont see that lol. The only reason we succumb to this is because single parenthood is on the rise. I cant even find a chick my age that doesnt have at least 2 or 3 kids and I have none. In my 20s btw

  • Nc
    Posted May 14, 2018 5:07 pm 0Likes

    But they dont see that lol. The only reason we succumb to this is because single parenthood is on the rise. I cant even find a chick my age that doesnt have at least 2 or 3 kids and I have none. In my 20s btw

  • Maimai
    Posted August 4, 2018 11:22 pm 2Likes

    Not everyone that has a child is lazy a lot of us has better bodies now than before our children. And sex doesn’t change that is a total myth useless your a whore or bad genetics with slack skin. Us Asian women don’t have that problem nor does Latinas or black women. This loose vagina thing is definitely a white thing.Us women of color has never heard of this lol. And as far as body if you don’t exercise and eat right you get fat. I know plenty of American whites that never had a child but many abortions and they are obese and they can’t keep a man happy hour to meet a husband lol

  • Maimai
    Posted August 4, 2018 11:32 pm 1Likes

    Also financial drain no sweetie I am a Registered nurse with one son I don’t need a man to care for me or my son that’s what he has a dad for. But I forgot this is the internet with lots of uneducated people so I shouldn’t expect anything more. What about single women looking to ride on the coat tails of financially well off men. Gold diggers,sugerbabies and women without kids that use there bodies in these situations. Alot of us single moms have careers,homes, we are mature and have well behaved children/child. A man doesn’t want a little girl someone he has to do everything for. She’s still in college lazy and doesn’t work but runs after brand name materialistic items and wants money all the time.

  • Ed
    Posted August 20, 2018 4:12 pm 0Likes

    We are all worthy of love and some single parents get up , go to work and strive to better themselves so they can be independent. We don’t need a man to provide for us we can do that it’s about having someone to share and enjoy our lives with . They are the ones who are blessed to be part of acready made family not that they see that !!!!

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