Not Being Facebook Friends with My Boyfriend Strengthened My Relationship


I’m a private person, which is ironic since I’m a writer who pours my heart out to strangers for a living. But when I say private, I don’t mean anti-social or introverted. I mean private in terms of what I post on social media and not bragging about how much I love my boyfriend or going on a rant about the latest political debate. I honestly don’t judge people who do that; it’s just not my thing.

I recently un-friended my boyfriend on Facebook. And not because we’re in a fight. The opposite reason actually—things are so good between us, and I plan on keeping it that way. In past relationships, Facebook has caused more arguments than I can count, regardless if he’s the “jealous type.”

Social media often leads to jealousy and a lot of unnecessary bickering.

Who is that guy in your picture? Why is he liking all of your statuses? Why not be proactive and prevent a potential problem? Even if my boyfriend never admitted that something bothered him on my Facebook page, I don’t want him to worry either. I have nothing to hide, but I can’t control who likes my posts and pictures.

Psychology Today reports that people use Facebook for two reasons: to stay connected to friends and family and to keep tabs on other people, including their significant other. While social media gives us access to a ton of information, the question remains: How much is too much? If it’s triggering our insecurities and creating problems in our relationships that wouldn’t otherwise exist, is it really worth it?

Interestingly, a recent survey conducted at the University of Missouri suggests that Facebook is more of a threat to relationships lasting three years or less. “Although Facebook is a great way to learn about someone, excessive Facebook use may be damaging to newer romantic relationships,” according to Russell Clayton, lead author of the Missouri study. “Cutting back to moderate, healthy levels of Facebook usage could help reduce conflict, particularly for newer couples who are still learning about each other.”

Think about it: if you cyber stalk your significant other, I guarantee you walk away feeling worse than when you started. It rarely ends well. Removing the temptation is the healthiest thing for your relationship and mental health.

In fact, a great relationship can have a ripple effect on your entire life. You are so happy that you don’t need the validation of a million photo likes. When my boyfriend and I are having an amazing time together, I am completely in the present moment. I’m not stressed about work or anything else. The last thing on my mind is taking my phone out to document it or post it on social media. The beauty of those small precious moments is that they are just ours.

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5 Comments

  • Donnette
    Posted December 21, 2017 7:31 am 0Likes

    Definitely a different perspective and I never thought of it that way:) thanks!

    • Victoria Rotante
      Posted December 27, 2017 9:46 am 2Likes

      Have a Happy New year Donnette!

  • Mel
    Posted April 4, 2018 1:10 pm 2Likes

    Totally agree! I un-friended my boyfriend as well on facebook because it just caused problems. I looked way too into posts and likings. When you un-friend your SO their Likes and such do not get broadcast on your news feed so it helps not seeing it. Especially helps if you’re over analyzer like me.

    • Jill
      Posted September 16, 2018 6:54 am 0Likes

      Omg Mel… I feel the exact same way, brain goes into a frenzy and arguments are caused . Total respect to you x

  • M
    Posted July 13, 2018 10:52 am 0Likes

    I almost friended my new love. Then backtracked. It turns out I DONT want to see those happy pictures of the last relationship (“even a relationship in decline has activities” to which I said—“and sex.” ) nor do I want to think about all those past moments with someone else. We are both 50–so there is a lot of past to digest. FB isn’t like a photo album that you don’t really need to open. FB has comments—lots of them. And those things need to stay locked away.

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